


Lips of an Angel

by palominopup



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, M/M, Mild Angst, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 06:45:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12007266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palominopup/pseuds/palominopup
Summary: Based on the song by Hinder, Lips of an Angel.





	Lips of an Angel

**Author's Note:**

  * For [StellaDupree](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellaDupree/gifts).



> Based on the song by Hinder, Lips of an Angel.

 

 

Dean has known for days that Cas and his boyfriend, some douche named Adam, have moved back to Lawrence. Not that he cares. He _doesn’t_. He’s happy with Anna. He _is_.

He looks over at her sleeping form as he slips his shoulder holster over his head and buckles it. He slides his Berretta inside and then pulls on his jacket. Without bothering to kiss her goodbye… she’s sleeping and there is no need to wake her… Detective Dean Winchester leaves for work.

The day is dark and rainy and it fits Dean’s mood. His partner even comments on it. “Who shit in your Wheaties, Winchester?”

“No one,” Dean answered shortly and Benny shut his mouth. They barely spoke for the rest of their shift. He _was_ happy, damn it. Cas coming back after all these years didn’t matter. What they had once didn’t matter. That ship sailed and sunk a long time ago.

On his way home, he stops at the red light before turning on to Livingston Street and he swears the gods are out to get him, because he sees Cas getting out of a dark green Mustang convertible. He’d recognize that hair and that fine ass anywhere. He fights back a memory… one better left alone.

_“Dean, stop, you’re going to make me late for work.” Cas was giving him that half smile and swatting his hand away. The hand that was cupping the left cheek of his gorgeous ass._

_“You love it when I make you late for work,” Dean had said, bringing his head down to steal a kiss._

_“Not today. You know how important this case is.”_

Dean shook his head to clear the image of _that_ morning. The morning that changed everything and cost him the man he loved. He hit the gas to fast and the tires squealed. Cas turned and saw him. He was hard to miss in the jet black Impala. Their eyes locked for a split second before Dean floored it and careened through the intersection.

That night, Anna and Dean sat through a silent dinner. Both picked at their food. “I’m going to go work a little,” she said quietly. Dean didn’t respond. He watched her walk away, her red hair midway down her back. She was so pretty. When was the last time they had sex? God, had it been so long that he had to even think about it?

He finished watching his favorite sitcom and stood up to stretch. He’d taken off his suit earlier and was just in a pair of sweats from his police academy days and a ratty t-shirt. He shuffled down the hall and stopped at the door of the extra bedroom they’d made into an office. Anna glanced up from her computer. “I’m going to bed. You comin’?” Maybe he could end their dry spell.

“No. I still have a few things to do.” Her eyes went back to the screen, casting her in a bluish glow. He drifted to their bedroom, not really disappointed she’d turned him down. Exhausted and not knowing why, Dean fell asleep. He was awakened much later by his phone vibrating on the nightstand. As a detective, he expected calls in the middle of the night. He picked up the phone and got out of bed, careful not to wake his girlfriend.

Once he was safely in the living room of their small apartment, he answered without looking at the screen. “Winchester,” he said abruptly, his usual greeting to the precinct.

“Hello, Dean.” The voice sent a shiver up his spine. Three years, six months and no, he wasn’t pathetic enough to count the days…

“Cas. Why are you calling me so late?” _Not, why are you calling me at all_. Dean found he didn’t care about the whys. Dean thought he heard a sniffle. “Cas, are you crying? Is everything okay?” Dean whispered, glancing down the hall to their darkened bedroom doorway. He should have closed it behind him.

“I saw you today and…” the low voice that reminded him of tangled sheets and breathless moans was filled with sadness.

“Cas… Anna is asleep… I shouldn’t…” God, why had he mentioned her. He doubted Cas even knew he was living with someone. Someone else… _someone_ who was not Cas…could never be Cas.

“Adam moved out tonight,” Cas stated. No emotion. It was like he was saying it was cold outside. He knew Cas met Adam Milligan right after he moved to Houston. Dean also knew they moved in together a year later. He also knew that Adam was a writer for a huge news magazine. Dean knew these things because he was a detective and had access to shit like that. He wasn’t supposed to use it for private inquiries, but everyone did it. Shit, he’d run a background check on Anna before he’d asked her on a second date.

“Oh.” Dean didn’t know what to say to that. He closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, Cas.” He sank down on the sofa, his head back against the cushion. He stared at the ceiling and wished for guidance.

“I’m not. It was over a long time ago. Maybe even before it started,” came the whispered words.

“Sometimes…sometimes, I wish she was you,” Dean said and then realized he’d stated his thoughts out loud. He wanted to call the words back. He knew he had never moved on. Cas had been the love of his life. Why did Dean have to go and ruin it?

“Dean…” The way Cas said his name, so sweet, brought more memories out of the deep recesses of his mind.

_“Dean, please… I love you.” The words had ripped Dean’s heart to shreds. He’d held onto his rigid posture until Cas walked out… for good._

He’d never come back for his things. They were boxed up in Sam’s garage.

“Angel, we really shouldn’t be talking. I wanted you to move on. Find someone better than me,” Dean squeezed the phone tighter. The nickname had slipped out. Castiel was named for an angel by his conservative parents. Dean called him ‘Angel’ the whole time they were together. He hoped Cas wouldn’t pick up on it.

“Please don’t call me that,” Cas said softly.

“Sorry, just habit.” By the silence on the other end, Dean knew his words found their mark and scored a direct hit.

“I shouldn’t have called. Goodbye, Dean.” _Shit_ … he didn’t want him to hang up. He didn’t want the conversation to end like that… not on a bad note.

“No, Cas… wait.” Wait for what? For Dean to think about asking to meet Cas somewhere… for a drink… maybe coffee… maybe more. No, he wasn’t a cheater. Anna didn’t deserve that. He listened to Cas breathe for a few moments as he gathered his courage. “Do you ever dream about me, Cas?”

Dean heard the swift intake of breath. “I do. I even thought of you when Adam…” Cas bit off the words and Dean felt a brief sense of satisfaction. “He was good to me. I let him down.”

 

“How?” Dean couldn’t imagine Cas letting anyone down. The man was perfect.

 

“He never thought he measured up to you. I may have made you a bigger than life. He knew he couldn’t compete. He didn’t want to come here.”

 

“Why did you come back, Cas?”               

 

“I was offered my old job back, with more benefits… more money.” Cas had worked for the DA’s office. He’d been overworked and underpaid, but he loved being someone who worked hard to get the bad guys off the streets. That’s how they’d met. Cas dressed him down on a collar he’d made. Made him feel really stupid in front of everyone. That was the first night they’d had sex. It was angry and rough and fuck, if Dean didn’t start falling for the disheveled guy in the oversized trench coat. “Adam insisted that I take it. He said he could do his job anywhere.”

 

“What happened?” Dean knew Cas would understand the question he was asking. He wasn’t wrong.

 

“Tonight…after seeing you today…I…I made the mistake of telling Adam. I don’t keep things from him…” Dean imagined Cas biting his lip, his blue eyes filled with sorrow. Cas wouldn’t hurt anyone on purpose. Unlike Dean. Unlike the night Dean stared into those beautiful eyes and lied.

 

“You told him you saw me and he moved out? What the hell, Cas?” There was more to the story. There had to be.

 

“I told him that I saw you… and realized that I never… never got over you.” Dean banged his head on the back of the couch over and over again. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

 

“Cas…I can’t do this…Anna is in the next room, man. I shouldn’t even be talking to you.”

 

“I know.” And just like that, he hung up.

 

“Fuck,” Dean growled, throwing the phone across the room in a fit of anger. The ‘what ifs’ swirled in his mind and made his stomach knot.

 

“I knew you still cared for him. I just didn’t realize how much.” Dean startled and stood up quickly. He spun to face Anna. She was leaning against the doorway, her expression unreadable. Anna knew about Cas. He’d told her. Granted he’d been drunk at the time.

 

“Anna… it’s not…” She shook her head slowly and Dean closed his mouth.

 

“Dean, I love you. I have for a long time, but I knew from the beginning that your heart belonged to someone else. To him. I don’t know what happened between you, but if you still have those feelings, maybe you should see…”

 

“No, there isn’t… I can’t fix what I broke.” Dean didn’t bother to tell her she was wrong about his feelings for Cas. He wouldn’t disrespect her like that.

 

She moved forward. She wore the silky boxers and camisole that Dean used to find sexy as fuck. Now, they could have been a long flannel nightgown for all the good it did for his libido. She motioned him to sit back down and she sat across from him on the edge of the coffee table. Their knees barely touching. “I had a job offer last week. In New York. I’m going to take it.” Dean simply stared at her, blinking stupidly. “I was going to turn it down to see if…if we could move past this bump in our…relationship, but now I know that it will be for the best.”

 

“But…” Dean started, but found he had no words. What could he say? Should he beg her to stay? To give him another chance?

 

Her smile was soft and she reached out to take his hand. “Love is hard, Dean. Even if you can’t fix what you broke, perhaps you replace it one day. I just can’t be the replacement.”

 

Dean nodded and squeezed her hand. She stood up and brushed her lips over the top of his head. He heard the bedroom door close. He closed his eyes again and let the memories come.

 

_There had been a shooting and a cop was killed. Dean didn’t come home. He went to a bar instead. He didn’t remember the drive home, but he remembered Cas standing there when he dropped his keys on the floor of the foyer, cursing at the loss of a life. When he looked up, he saw relieved blue eyes through his own drunken ones. “I heard on the news an officer was shot. I couldn’t reach you on your phone. I was scared.”_

_“Yeah, well, I’m just fine, Angel.” Instead of sounding like a nickname between lovers, it came out sarcastic and full of hatred. Not at Cas, never at Cas, but the world in general._

_“You’re drunk,” Cas had stated, the relief changing to anger._

_“Sure am.”_

_“Dean…” It was the soft pitying tone that did it. Add to that, several downed whiskeys and you had a recipe for disaster._

_“Stop it, Cas. Stop loving me. Stop waiting up for me to come home. I don’t need you. I don’t need this,” he’d waved his hands between them. “I don’t love you,” he lied._

What Cas didn’t know was that after he walked out that night, dressed in a pair of old jeans and Dean’s ‘Relax I’m a Cop’ t-shirt, Dean fell to his knees and cried. Cried because he lost a brother on the force, but mostly because he just lost the best thing to ever happen to him.

 

Sam found him the next day, passed out on his kitchen floor with an empty bottle of vodka next to him. It had been Cas’ good stuff. Imported from Russia. Sam had manhandled him into the shower and turned on the cold water. He’s shrieked and fought, but in the end, he’d sank down into the tub and cried even more. Several pots of strong coffee later, he’d told Sam about his night. “See Sam, I can’t put Cas through anything like that. If something were to happen to me…”

 

It sounded good at the time, but the real reason he’d drove Cas away was because he wasn’t good enough. Cas was all power suits and law degrees. Dean was a beat cop that was lucky enough to have a gold shield. Cas liked classical music and books, Dean listened to classic rock and when he read, it was Vonnegut or muscle car magazines. Cas was good. Too good for the likes of Dean Winchester. Dean just broke up with Cas before Cas could see him for what he truly was. A loser.

 

Two weeks later, Anna supervised the movers. She’d left him with most of the furniture, but the shelves and closets were bare. She came to him in the bedroom, where he was staring out the window at the moving van. “Guess that’s it,” she said softly, coming up behind him. She didn’t touch him. There had been no intimacy since Cas’ phone call and her announcement. Honestly, there hadn’t been much before, at least not in the last three or four months. He’d spent the nights he was at home on the couch. Most nights though, he’d spent on the ratty sofa in the break room at the precinct, showering in the locker room. If anyone noticed, they didn’t say anything.

 

“I’ll miss you,” Dean said honestly. It would be hard to come home to an empty apartment. Shit, maybe he should think about buying a place near Sam. Something small… maybe a fixer-upper he could work on in his spare time.

 

“I’ll miss you too, Dean.” She stepped closer and kissed his cheek. “Take care of yourself.” When she turned to go, Dean didn’t watch. Another chapter in his life had closed. It hurt, but it wasn’t even close to the pain he’d felt when Cas left.

 

“Hey, Winchester, I need you to run this over to the courthouse,” the chief called out over the usual din of the bullpen the next day.

 

“Seriously, Chief, it’s almost lunchtime. Can’t you get a uniform to do it?” He was beaned in the back of the head by his friend, Charlie, who was wearing a uniform. He shrugged at her. “Hey, I worked hard to wear this suit. You gotta pay your dues, kiddo.”

 

“Well, I’m paying your ass to work,” Chief Singer said, slamming the folder onto his messy desk. Dean rolled his eyes and gave a put-upon sigh, but he stood up. He picked up the file and was in his car before he even glanced at it. It was addressed to one Assistant District Attorney C. Novak.

 

“Shitshitshit.” Bobby, his godfather and his boss, knew how bad the breakup had been on Dean. He fucking _knew_. Why was he doing this to him? Dean knew he was bound to run into Cas on occasion, but he hoped it would be a long time coming.

 

When he got out of the Impala, he bent to look into the side mirror to straighten his tie. He took a deep breath and took the marble steps two at a time. He waved to the guard that was on duty and stepped around the metal detector. No need to set it off with his gun. He took the elevator to the third floor and started reading the brass plaques to find the newest one. Noting Cas hadn’t gotten his old office back, Dean kept walking. Cas’ door was open and he took a minute to watch the man, his dark messy head bent over a pile of paperwork. Dean knocked on the doorjamb. “Heya, Cas.” Blue eyes widened and Dean, an expert at body language, saw the way Cas’ hands twitched before he hid them under his desk. He was nervous, but not overly so. Had he been expecting him?

 

“Dean. It’s good to see you.” Dean raised an eyebrow. How could he be so cool when Dean’s heart was beating like a set drums at a Metallica concert?

 

“Yeah, well, I was told to deliver this,” Dean said, setting the folder on Cas’ desk and taking a few steps back.

 

“Thank you. Bobby said I would be getting it today,” Cas stated matter-of-factly, picking up the file and opening it.

 

“So, you’ve talked to Bobby?” Cas stopped pretending to read, _Dean wasn’t stupid after all_ , and looked up.

 

“He’s the Chief of Police, Dean. I’m an assistant DA. We run in the same circles.” Dean picked up on the slight tremor in Cas’ voice. Yeah, the bastard wasn’t as unaffected as he seemed.

 

“Uh huh. So, he tell you Anna moved out?” Dean saw the pink tinge to Cas’ cheeks and knew his answer. “Son of a bitch,” Dean fumed. “Sam talk to you too?” He snapped out the question and noted Cas didn’t meet his eyes. “Fuck.”

 

“Dean, Sam and I… we were friends once.” They were. Good friends. They might argue like cats and dogs in the courtroom, since Sam was a public defender, but after the gavel came down, the two of them would hit the bar and have a beer together.

 

“Well…I’m glad you and he…” Dean stopped talking when he met Cas’ eyes. He was looking at him like he used to…like he loved him. Dean’s gaze dropped to Cas’ lips. Those beautiful lips. Cas stood up and walked around the desk. He stuck his hand out and for a second, Dean didn’t know why. “Thank you for dropping the file off, Dean. Perhaps I will see you around.” Dean took the outstretched palm and shook it.

 

“Yeah…maybe.” Dean held onto the hand and felt the warmth there. He imagined that same hand on his back, on his neck, on his…” He released it like it was made from molten lava and took another step backward, hitting the edge of the door with a resounding thud. “Uhm, bye.”

 

Dean was down the hall and around the corner to the elevators when he finally stopped to catch his breath. He sank to the floor, his legs sprawled out on the old tile.

 

Several people looked at him strangely, but no one took the time to ask if there was a problem. What would he say? _The man I tossed out of my pathetic life… the man who I still fuckin’ love… is just around the corner and I don’t know what to do._ Yeah, that would be a riot.

 

He didn’t know how long he sat there, but eventually his ass went to sleep and he struggled to his feet. He pulled out his phone and called the precinct. “It’s Winchester. Let me talk to the chief.” Dean waited, listening to the stupid elevator music until Bobby picked up.

 

“Singer.”

               

“It’s me.”

 

“Sorry, kid. I know you are probably pissed at me, but I think you and Cas need to…”

 

“Stop, Bobby.” Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. “Just stop. Cas is… Cas doesn’t…”

 

“He still loves you. I don’t know why. You are a real dumbass sometimes. No accounting for taste I guess.”

“Bobby…” Dean couldn’t do this.

“Take the rest of the day. Go home.”

“Okay,” Dean mumbled softly. He was just too tired to argue.

“And son, no booze.” Dean laughed mirthlessly. Bobby and Sam had pulled him out of the bottle quite a few times after Cas left. _No_ , that’s where he was wrong. Cas never left. Dean pushed him out, but the specter of what they had lived on. It was in bed with him and Anna. It was in the passenger seat of the Impala. It was packed in untouched boxes in Sam’s garage. It was in the fucking picture he still carried in his wallet.

Home was empty. A big-screen TV didn’t greet you with a kiss. Dean walked around the small apartment that had served as his and Anna’s home for the last year. He didn’t miss her. Not like that anyway. He missed a warm body to take up space. Maybe he should get a dog.

He sat down on the sofa and stared at the screen of his phone for a long time. He thought about taking a drink to give him some courage, but no, he needed to be sober. He scrolled through until he got to the unknown number and made it into a contact. Cas. He tapped the icon and waited, unbreathing, as it rang against his ear.

“Hello, Dean.”

“I never stopped loving you.” Dean laid back on the couch, eyes closed.

“And I never stopped loving you. I never will.”

“We need… can we take this slow?” Dean asked, not really sure what he was doing.

“As slow as you need.”

“What time do you get off, Angel?” Dean asked, wanting… no, needing to believe he could have this again.

“I can leave now.”

“The usual place?”

“Of course, Dean.” Dean sat up and wiped his eyes. Stupid allergies. He went into his bedroom to change into jeans.

Twenty minutes later, he parked the Impala in a small lot and stepped into a tiny bakery. Cas was already sitting in ‘their’ booth, slices of pie waiting on the table. Cas’ eyes tracked him across the room. “I hope you don’t mind, but I ordered your favorite.”

“You were always too good for me, Angel.”

“I’d hoped you’d have gotten smarter, but we can work on that.” Dean smiled at the offhanded promise of a future.

They ate in comfortable silence and when they were done, Dean tossed a twenty on the table and stood. He held out his hand and Cas took it. Not a handshake this time. Fingers intertwined like hundreds of times in the past. Dean refused to think about the lost time. The three years, six months, twelve days and four hours. Because he was that pathetic. And he was in love.

 


End file.
